Understanding the Biggest Issue With Social Media Will Make You a Better Person

As we consider New Years’ resolutions, I think about the impact that technology has on us. There are many positive tech advancements from heart monitors on our wrists to drone search and rescue. There are also negative impacts and I’d like to focus on one area where technology has done harm to society and outline what we can do to remedy the impact.

Social media held the promise of improving communication across the globe. Despite it’s enormous reach and access to information, our communication seems to be far worse than ever.

When interacting in person, we generally abide by common courtesy and hear a variety of topics and opinions. More than half of in-person communication is non-verbal, including posture, facial expressions and eye contact. These non-verbal cues increase trust, clarity and rapport.

Without these cues, our negative tendencies go unchecked and are amplified. Social media allows us to cherry pick topics and target responses. Suggestion engines serve us a constant diet of what we “like,” reinforcing and amplifying preconceived notions. This builds silos of knowledge and causes some to become dogmatic and build an identity around topics. Once a person’s identity is linked to a topic, many feel the need to emotionally and sometimes viciously defend their ideas. This chain reaction moves us further from effective communication and creates armies of people fighting social media holy wars. According to Radical Collaboration author, Jim Tamm:

“Any time you’re getting defensive, you’re getting less effective. When you get defensive, your thinking becomes rigid and you simply become stupid”

Social media trains us to become poor listeners

The lack of non-verbal cues, anonymity, and the ability to shun or blindly rebut anything that contradicts our beliefs, trains users to listen less and respond quicker with less thought. Our interaction becomes “rigid” and “stupid.”

As a result, we become less understanding of other’s ideas and more reaffirming of our own. We quickly extrapolate a person’s perceived belief and character flaws based on a single topic. As we expend less energy on understanding and more on defending talking points, our ability to effectively communicate atrophies even when interacting in person. One point made; a predetermined counterpoint quickly regurgitated, and back and forth with little listening.

What is the solution?

1. Limit your time on social media. We all know that there is a cesspool of negativity out there. Anonymity often gives people license to say what they would never say face to face. Remember that, and stay out of the fray. As Lucy Hone says, ask yourself, “Is this action helping me or harming me?” Be kind to yourself and stay out of the cesspool.

2. Become an expert at active listening. Dogs attempt active listening when they stare at you with a tilted head as if what you say is the most important words ever uttered. We should strive to fully concentrate on what the speaker is saying rather than just passively ‘hearing’ the message. Focus completely on the speaker, with no interruptions, without planning a rebuttal, without judgment, while listening with empathy. Active listening is a fundamental way to improve all of our interactions. In the words of Stephen Covey,

“When you show deep empathy toward others, their defensive energy goes down, and positive energy replaces it. That’s when you can get more creative in solving problems.”

Remember that listening does not mean agreement. Your sole focus is to truly comprehend the details and nuances of the message. What you do with that information should be a separate mental exercise. It requires effort, but becoming a great listener will not only make you a better manager and colleague, it will make you a better parent, mentor, partner, and friend.

Thank you for listening.